British Association for Adoption & Fostering (BAAF) Blog

I did a short interview for the BAAF blog about being a transracial adoptee which was posed yesterday. It’s really nice to see a big organisation have such an active online presence both with this blog & their social networks.

baafadoption.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/trans-racial-adoption-from-vietnam-to.html

Somewhere Between – a documentary film project

As part of their Kickstarter funding drive they have edited a small clip of the interview that I did with them at the start of my adoption journey. While i was cut (to my delight as i’m not a big camer person) for the main film, I’m not completely horrified to see myself here and glad that I didn’t say anything too stupid =P. Also it is the first time 1 of the 3 comics specifically commissioned for the film project has been show. Help support this great project by pledging before 11th April 2012 at the link below:

www.kickstarter.com/projects/677091478/somewhere-between-a-documentary-film/posts/192621

It’s true, I’m a geek. Every since I was young I loved drawing dragons and made up creatures and I have be often found doodling. Throughout school & into my foundation I was heavily discouraged away from fantasy work and pretty much was told that it wasn’t “real” art. I did end up just falling into line, annoyingly o_O.

This question comes up for me again and again throughout my life. Why are some forms of art seen as more valid then others?

To try and answer, I first ask more questions, the first and most important is, what is art? This is prob. quite a complex question to ask, and if I think about it too long it would prob. start to hurt. But if I go on my gut feeling and say as quickly as possible, I’d say art was the ability to make real thoughts, ideas or concepts through creative making skills. I’m also interested to see what my Apple computer’s dictionary says:

art 1 |ärt|
noun

1 the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.
• works produced by such skill and imagination.
• creative activity resulting in the production of paintings, drawings, or sculpture.

That was pretty dammed close to what I’d thought art was as well.

I have to admit, coming through essentially an art degree/masters where we were always asked to find something “meaningful” to do art about it, in some ways that process took away some of my child like passion for just creating & making for no other reason then just “because”. Of course I hugely appreciate my education cos it helped me understand the power of art & how to focus that voice into something co-herent. However since leaving uni it has been so rare for me to just sit and create just for fun as I feel guilty for not finding something deep and socially meaningful every time.

It’s taken years to shake off this feeling of having to make “high art” for exhibitions & screenings etc. Don’t get me wrong I still do it from time to time and enjoy it, but my focus has changed from exhibition work to freelance & commercial work. It was a hard transition because I always got the impression through my education that commercial artists weren’t seen as “pure” artists and only in it for the money… it has taken me a long time to shake off that dated and frankly unfounded idea that you can only call yourself a true artist if you have shown your work in X number of galleries, shows, screenings etc or some how been at the forefront of cultural commentary. Also I got the distinct impression from the “Art World” that commercial work is seen as “lesser”.

Finally I’ve been able to reject the idea that commercial art is some how inferior to contemporary art. I also really have gained such a sense of satisfaction and usefulness since doing more freelance work, more than I never came close to as a conceptual exhibition artist.

So here I’m back at my original thought. It’s clear to me that there is a sense of art hierarchies that many people, including creatives themselves have. First it’s the Art world … then the commercial creative/design industry… then right at the bottom is fantasy/sci-fi/comic art. I never have understood why. All my life people in education basically disregarded it as if it was almost medico tack. This is why it shocked me so much to find that the comic I created about adoption (adoptedthecomic.com), which I know isn’t the most skilled illustration, has prob had a bigger and more poignant global impact then identical issues voiced through my “serious” contemporary adoption art work. I see countless impressive, expressive & thought provoking works & illustrations by comic & fantasy/sci-fi artists.

There seems to be such rigid criteria on what constitutes as “art”. Does it matter if a piece is exhibited in a gallery to rave reviews, or fulfils the need of a paying client, or makes someone laugh, or fits into a small demographic? To me it’s all art, different forms and execution platforms of art yes, but none better than the other.

With all this pressure on artists both having to prove their skills and wit on a daily basis, it’s easy to forget the fun in art. After reading a manga (Japanese graphic novel/comic) last night for the first time in ages I was inspired to do just that, art for fun, just for myself but decided to share it above… and yes I proudly call it art! =D

… In 2008 I had gone to Ireland on a week long Ireland tour organised by ICCG in which I was part of a panel of teens & one adult Chinese adoptees from the USA. I was the only Brit in the pack. It wasn’t the first panel talk I’d done, but it was a very significate trip. When I went on that trip I was still so new to the community, I had different views about adoption and didn’t grasp the vastness of the topic and know many other adoption experiences… I prob still am learning in that respect. At the same time I was only 2 years out of uni. and still finding my feet in the world as a person, as an artist let alone as an adoptee. I also had only just started to feel conformable about calling myself Chinese being genetically Vietnamese and despite having been born & raised in Hong Kong for 16 years. To sum it up, I was young and bright eyed entering the adoption world with trepidation.

I find it funny to remember how existing but how lost I felt when I started out. But I’m also glad that I’ve not lost that sense of hope that I entered into the world of adoption with. There are a few differences. I feel that I have a better understanding of many more types of adoption “experiences” having been lucky enough to hear many people’s stories & lives from so many different backgrounds and age groups. I also have learnt some hard lessons caused by my own assumptions about both adoption and people. Adoption is a lived experience with ups and downs, positives & negatives, humor & seriousness… no one persons experience is the same nor can you make a judgement on adoption or the people touched by it based on only a hand full of stories.

It was refreshening for me on this Ireland trip to spend time with both my fellow UK adoptee and with the teen adoptees of ICCG (YAPs). It is illuminating being able to see how the new faces of UK & Irish Chinese adoptees are taking on and develop the challenges of the lessons learnt by the past generations of adoptees as they tred the ground towards young adulthood. I very much hope that a sense of balance can still be taken forwards and that adoptees no longer have to hide their thoughts be that sad or happy when it comes to adoption. I wasn’t able to to spend as much time as I would have liked with the YAPs, but I hope they know that I was touched that they allowed me to hang out with them for a while and let me glimpse into a small part of their lives, despite being a married “old” 29 year old =P

This really takes me to another part of this “circle”… my time with the adult Hong Kong adoptees. In 2009 I became a committee member with the Chinese Adult Adoptee Worldwide Reunion (CAAWR) which a small group of Hong Kong adoptees meet up in HK in 2010. Sadly I couldn’t afford to go, but the experience allowed me to find a world of adult Chinese adoptees opening up infront of me. I stepped down from the committee in 2011 to put some much needed focus on my freelance art work though I still remain closely on the pulse of the Chinese adoption communities and i know i will always be involved with them in some way. In April 2012 will be one of the twice yearly UK Hong Kong Adoptee Network (UK HKAN) reunion lunchs. This time it will be in London at the BAAF and great as BAAF are working on a Chinese/HK Adoption study at the moment and have really come at a great time in the development of the HK adoption community in the UK. The HK adoptee community in the UK are picking up steam and it’s interesting that despite being of mainly a generation above me, mainly are also just starting to research out to others. It shows it’s never too late to start your adoption journey.

So as I sit between my Ireland trip and the UK HKAN London reunion I find myself thinking… wow! It’s been a busy 4 years. And really thinking what an exciting time this is for Chinese adoption community. I stand on the edge of the new & the elder generations of Chinese adoptees and I do hope that in the future the gap between the  younger and older generation mat start to blur into a single community… there’s still time =).

Every year the British Association of Adoption & Fostering (BAAF) run National Adoption Week (NAW) on November. Every year I’ve always wanted to be involved it in some how, but never figured out how to do so. When I found out that they would be running a short film competition for the first time on their Facebook page I jumped at the chance especially as I’m someone that always has advocated adoption expression through creative means.

The brief was to the make a 2min film about “what adoption means to you”. That actually was a tough one to answer for me adoption is all I’ve know, a family, love, a whole and balanced life with all it’s ups and downs and pain and laughter, how do you possible sum up “life” in 2 mins? With the support of my parents and sister I have been able to explore the really hard questions about adoption in a safe space… which is why in the end I decided to entry a video I’d made a few years ago, Row Your Boat, which I feel really does ask those hard questions about war, diaspora, hope & even the morality of adoption itself. You can watch it on my [Video Art] page.

I was completely chuffed when I found out that I was one of 6 short listed film entries. Last night was the National Adoption Week film competition awards ceremony in London. I have to admit I was really nervous, not cos I was thinking about weather I’d place, but that I would be in a room for of people involved with BAAF which is an organisation I’ve had such great respect for since I heard about them so many years ago. I don’t know why I was so nervous because it was a warm, overwhelming and touching night and I was so touched to meet so many lovely people, including BAAF staff, investors/supporters, adoption champions/partons and especially the fellow film makers. I wished there been more time to talk to everyone, but hope that I will in the future.

I have been an artist since 2000 and been working on adoption art since 2003. So to find out that I was the Silver Winner of the first NAW 2011 Film competition has been one of my proudest moments, and what a way to support transracial adoption, adoptee voices AND National Adoption week! =D

There was a great variety of  the great short listed films and you can see the entries here:
http://baafadoption.blogspot.com/2011/10/national-adoption-week-film-competition.html

Here is the BAAF blog page about last nights National Adoption Week film competition awards ceremony:
http://baafadoption.blogspot.com/2011/11/national-adoption-week-film-competition.html

After receiving my adoption papers last year, I’d followed up with HK social services asking if it might be possible to find out details of my foster family who I was with from 5months-12months. They were also an ex-pat family living and working in HK at the time, like my parents. Earlier this year they told me that they had sent a letter to my foster family’s last known address, but since they had not heard a replay in many months it was very likely that their address from the 1980′s would not be correct.

I was seriously disheartened. Before there always seemed like hope, but yeah, I felt sad that I prob. would never know.

As a last ditched attempted I phoned my parents, who had very briefly meet my foster family at the time, and asked them to dig deep into their memories for anything information even if tiny. They had always known the last name, Corby, which they told me long ago, but I’d never find anything fruitful from an Internet search in the past as without a first name is pretty difficult. However this time they remember what job my foster father had at the time.

So, having nothing to lose I spent a few days searching the internet for clues… for anything. I thought I might be on a lead, a possible first name. I came to the last company that this person might have worked for. I was scared but I wrote to what seemed like a dated old email, but wrote all the same.

How do you start an email like that!!!?

I basically started out along the lines of “Errrrr… don’t suppose…”.

The email bounced straight back. Sign. I only had one thing left to do, I emailed the company it’s self and asked if someone had worked for them with that name, though I made sure not to say why I was trying to find the person and to pass my details on if they did. They emailed me the very next day saying basically “Yes, here’s his email.” Ok this is the bit I feel bad about, cos there is a reason there is data protection, plus there was no way of knowing in the slightest it was the same guy.

After two weeks I gave up on the idea of getting a reply, and believed I’d had the wrong person. Then I woke up to find not one but two emails. The first saying that it was indeed my foster father. The second was from my foster sister, the one that had given me my name.

Since then I have been in contact with my foster mother, who now lives int he UK and stay in regular contact with my foster sister who still lives in Hong Kong!! I hope I’ll be able to meet them in person some day =D.

I found out how I got my name and have heard little stories here and there about my time with them. For me it was touching to know that even though I was only there for a short time but I was their family for that time and to know I wasn’t forgotten. For me, they now just feel like extended family and I’m glad to have them back in my life.

I feel like a weight has been lifted from me. I still continue to (slowly) search for my birth mother but I have find some peace.

Also my sockbunnies.com/about/ website page for my foster story and photos given to me by my foster family when I was adopted.

I tentatively emailed the founder, Indigo Willing, who was more then welcoming. She was the first real contact I’d had with another adult Vietnamese adoptee. For a few years after my initial contact, I kept in touch but I wasn’t as active in the group until, unsurprisingly, I got Facebook =P. And because of that I was in more regular contact with the VN adoptee community and in Feb. 2010 I was lucky enough to meet up with some of the UK Vietnamese adoptees for Tet (Vietnamese version of Chinese New Year).

In April 2010 it was the 35th university of the Fall of Saigon marking the end of the Vietnamese/USA War as well as Operation Baby Lift that air lifted many babies internationally from Vietnam. I contributed to other reflective writings by Vietnamese adoptees:

“To me the Vietnam War feels distance, just another war I learnt about in school. While I have no doubt that my adoption was the product of the Vietnam War, I feel that my adoption story is framed in the decade that followed…” (April 2010)  Continue reading at AVI website →

In 2011 Indigo was looking for help to update the AVI website. As it had originally been made in 2000 and not fundamentally been changed in a technical sense, I felt this was the perfect time to contribute to the AVI & VN adoptee community in a way I’ve always wanted to. It wasn’t until I started to sort though the pages that I realised what a wealth of information there was that wasn’t easy to find from the original website interface and was determined not to allow it to be hidden any longer!!

I redesigned, organised & consolidated down the HUGE original website into roughly 150 pages and 100 news posts. I improved the navigation and co-edited 100s of pages & posts with Indigo. It was completely rebuilt from the ground up!

I am relived & proud to annonce it is now live!!!! =D
www.adoptedvietnamese.org

I can not recommend enough you check it out to see views of adult adoptees, VN information/roots tracing guides, info on orphanages and more… it’s just brill!!! I can’t take credit for the information, as it’s come from the very generous VN adoption community.

I’ve always loved the digital aspect of my artwork…. but there is a part of me that misses the physical aspect of art. I’ve been getting my head around the idea that if you do work purely digitally at may have a number of saved states and copies … Can you truly have a digital original? I miss being able to hold an original in my hands.

I than start to think about it from a practical working view point. As a working artist (photography, video, illustrator & designer) can i really afford to not use my computer? When i’m working on illustrations it is extremely awesome to skip out the scanning stage and there are things I can do on the computer that I couldn’t do when drawing on paper. The fact is that digital doesn’t take up that much room.

When I was in school I was so desperate to learn how to use computers and creative programs, especially I was keen to learn animation (sadly the animation thing never panned out, but hey there is still time =P). My frustration just lead me to learn it for myself and I am mainly self taught. So it makes me laugh that 10 years down the line I’m now having urges to go old school arts.

So as much as I love digital technologies i miss the simple, real and messy feeling of building, and making with my hands.

Last month I finially got some info about my adoption from HK. While a lot of the info was facts I knew already, little things like dates, times, weights, heights & circumstances were made more clear. I also found out more info about my birth father who I had never been in my adoption story.

I’m a pragmatic and realistic kindda person. I’ve always been quiet clean cut about my adoption. But I have to admit when I read the info I was overwhelmed with emotion. It was the small things as well, like what time I was born, how old my birth mother/father was… it was crazy how much the little snippets of extra info was there to fill the gaps in my story.

It has been very liberating to find out more. And I also feel I have enough info to continue my search for my birth family.

After a month of knewing all this new info my mind suprisingly wonders back to some of these facts, to like remind myself that I have to reajust, that these facts are part of me and not just something on paper.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve very happy to have find the info… I’m not gonna push myself with this one, I know I will do everything in my own time =).

But deadlines can spar people into action! So after a phone around local solicitors and a call to my parents, I think I might be moving forward with this route tracing. Normally I’m quiet calm and collected about these things, but honestly part of me is very nervous, but excited nervous. I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up…

… ah well I wont believe it unless I hear it type thing, even if it’s only a little bit of info.